Walking on Water

This blog is entitled 'A Life of Purpose'. The question then could be this...are you living a life of purpose? You could then reasonably ask...what is a life of purpose anyway? Or may be you are asking... why should we want a life of purpose anyway? Assuming that it is within us all to desire purpose we could then reasonably ask... what is the source of a life of purpose? Can it be found within us or is its source elsewhere?
I remember years ago I was exposed to an organisation that 'encouraged' the pursuit of ourselves as the source of a life of purpose and they preached slogans such as 'If it's to be, it's up to me' and 'Whatever you think about most will be'. They taught that the mind was the source of success and all we needed to do was to 'focus' our mind on the outcome and it would be. They said that 'I' was the source of my own life of purpose. One thing they never explained was why it was that the more I thought about it the more anxious I got, or the fact that despite intense 'thinking' (and paying I might add) I never found the 'life' that they offered. My own testimony of this is that a 'Life of Purpose' then is not found in me!
So, I hear you ask, where is the purpose and what or who is the source?
Now if you have clicked on this blog I have to assume that the 'hook' of a 'life of purpose' somehow caught your attention...forgive me if I'm wrong but I am going to assume that you have at least the spark of a desire for purpose in your life.
Now there are many 'ideas' out there as to the answers to the questions we have posed. Money, religion, power, prestige, fame, notoriety, success in one field or another, plus a myriad of other things are promoted as the source of a life of purpose.
Today I am going to replace the title 'A Life of Purpose' with the title 'Walking on Water'.
In the Bible there is an interesting story... don't spin out here, I am not offering you religion (I am not at all religious and often I am exceedingly irreligious), in fact I'm not offering you anything. I am in no position to influence you in any way and have no desire to, all I can do is share where I am and hope that it maybe helps you.
So in the Bible there is a story, it goes like this...it is found in the book of Matthew chapter 14 verses 22 - 31... 'Immediately He made the disciples get into the boat and go ahead of Him to the other side, while He sent the crowds away.  After He had sent the crowds away, He went up on the mountain by Himself to pray; and when it was evening, He was there alone. But the boat was already a long distance from the land, battered by the waves; for the wind was contrary. And in the fourth watch of the night He came to them, walking on the sea. When the disciples saw Him walking on the sea, they were terrified, and said, “It is a ghost!” And they cried out in fear. But immediately Jesus spoke to them, saying, “ Take courage, it is I; do not be afraid.”
Peter said to Him, “Lord, if it is You, command me to come to You on the water.” And He said, “Come!” And Peter got out of the boat, and walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But seeing the wind, he became frightened, and beginning to sink, he cried out, “Lord, save me!” Immediately Jesus stretched out His hand and took hold of him, and said to him, “ You of little faith, why did you doubt?'
Now it is an amazing story. Peter walked on water. He was an ordinary guy. A fisherman, full of brag and bravado but not a lot of backbone but he walked on water. Now please don't receive that I am suggesting that walking on water equals a life of purpose but please do receive this for I am certainly saying that doing the extraordinary (which walking on water is) is certainly a life of purpose.
Most of us would accept that we are ordinary but can you accept that you can do the extraordinary?
Now consider the following...

1. The disciples (the followers of Jesus) were in the boat and Jesus came walking on the sea. Jesus came doing the extraordinary and they were afraid. Jesus spoke to their fear and said 'Don't be afraid, take courage, it is I'. If life causes you fear, if anxiety racks your every step, if you feel paralysed to proceed Jesus Christ is saying to you right now 'Do not be afraid, take courage, it is I.'
2. Peter said to Jesus 'If it is You command me to come to You on the water'. Please note that Peter pointed to Jesus. I could paraphrase what Peter said this way...'If it is You Jesus, You can obviously walk on water and You can enable me to do the same so call me to come to You on the water'. Peter was a fishermen, he had probably fallen out of his boat many times and he knew that water was not for walking on but he, in that moment, recognised that in this One, Jesus, the extraordinary was possible. He had 'faith' in Jesus. In Jesus Peter stepped from the natural into the supernatural.
3. Now I want to say something about faith. Faith has nothing to do with how we feel, our experience or any past track record that we can draw upon. If faith was those things Peter would never have got out of the boat. If Peter had referred to his feelings, his experience, his track record he would have stayed in the boat. Consider this...the extraordinary is before you, if you now consult your feelings, emotions, experience, track record do you think you will get out of the boat? Peter trusted in Jesus and he got out of the boat...listen very carefully 'Faith is our response of trust to the revelation God has given us of Himself'. Read that again...then stop and let it sink into you. Maybe you have no 'revelation of God' or only just a little; it does not matter because God is revealing Himself to you right now in this story of Peter. Peter saw in Jesus the source of the extraordinary, the source of the supernatural. JESUS IS THE ONLY WAY TO MOVE OUR LIVES FROM THE NATURAL TO THE SUPERNATURAL.
4. Peter got out and walked towards Jesus. His eyes were fixed on Him. And then...he took his eyes off Him and looked at the circumstances, his feelings, his experience and he thought this is not possible and he began to sink. What happened next?
5. He said 'Lord, save me' and Jesus put out His hand and saved him. Jesus then made a remarkable statement 'You of little faith, why did you doubt?'

The point is this...we can all walk on water; we can all have a life of purpose, we can all do and be the extraordinary - supernatural. What is the key, who is the source? Jesus is the source.
Listen to me please, this is not about our looking. If you now start looking at the capacity of your look, if you start analysing the intensity of your look then you are applying your feelings, your emotions, your experience, your past track record and you can't look at that and Jesus at the same time. It isn't about your capacity to look it is about the capacity and desire of Jesus to bless. How much does He desire you? He gave Himself for you, surely this give some indication of the scale of His desire toward you. Don't doubt, Jesus says, look at me. Don't look at the voracity of your look, look at Me, I am the source of all Life,... I am the Way, the Truth, the Life...I am EVERYTHING...look at me and if you do I will increasingly reveal Myself to you and you will do even greater things than you have seen Me do (John 14: 12).
One last thought...many times you will fail and take your eyes off Him but even when you do all you need is 'Lord save me' and He will reach out His hand and lift you up again. Jesus did it for dear old Peter more than once...a day came when Peter denied Jesus but even then Jesus reached out his hand and lifted him up. That is the nature of the love of God in Jesus Christ.
You want a Life of Purpose? It is found in taking hold of the life Jesus has for you. Look to Him and you will be astounded by what He will do.
I am exceedingly astounded; read through my story as I have recorded it and I am sure you will be astounded too. It isn't about me, it is about Jesus in me and I in Him. It is His story and God's covenant with Jesus makes it mine through His representation of me within the terms of the covenant...but that is another post for another day. Maybe you will come again? Why not become a follower and we can experience God's revelation of Himself together.

The Path of Purpose - Part 5 - The Journey

If this is your first time to this blog can I suggest that before you read this you read what has gone before?

You know I am not telling this story to massage my own ego...it simply occurs to me that many people are like me in that they are looking for the something in their life that maybe they just can't put a finger on. The reality is that I spent many years of my young life pursuing something and I barely knew what it was. I was on the periphery of it but was never invited into the very core of the story. That statement may sound a little strange but if you continue with me in this journey I am hoping it will become more clear to you...and to me.
Last post I drew the analogy of the prison.
April 2000 was the day I really came out of my cell and I must tell you that as I exited the cell door I found Jesus Christ waiting for me. Now I had met Jesus Christ before but not this one! As I have already explained the Jesus I knew was one who thoroughly disapproved of me because I was unable to meet the standard He set. To my surprise as I poked my head out I found a God, Jesus Christ, who loved me even before I was a twinkle in my father's eye and that love extended to even setting a plan for a life of purpose for me...me!
All I had to do was step into His love and we would go on together.
Now at the time that evidenced itself to me only in the fact that God spoke to me. You see when He spoke I was probably pretty much at the lowest point in my life. If it wasn't the absolute lowest then I wasn't very far away from it. I guess the absolute lowest point was when I contemplated taking my own life and my life had improved somewaht since then but I was still within earshot of those voices that called me to my demise. God spoke and in His words He showed me He cared and it didn't appear to matter to Him what state I was in. I just couldn't have contemplated this in my younger years. So the journey from my cell door in the 'condemned' wing of the prison to the gates began.
This experience brought a conclusion and a question...1. God loved me enough to care and 2. Was there any more?
The second question was answered promptly as I sat in the back of a ute in rural Cambodia and heard God declare His purpose for me...but was that all? Was there more revelation of love? A purpose, was that all? The Prodigal Son had a restored relationship and a party, and joy, and peace, and comfort, prosperity, the cover of his father's house...maybe there was more of God available?
Maybe I could put these bags down?
Bags? I had many bags. I was like the proverbial bag man! I was staggering down the street of life pushing a shopping trolley laden full with bags. I had them hanging off my shoulders and around my neck. The ones I 'valued' the most I kept close to me.
Quite early I was introduced to a passage in the Bible. I think it was my wife who drew my attention to it as she was well down the path ahead of me and was powering on God's fast track and here I was lumbering along behind burdened by my shopping trolley and bags!
The passage goes like this...Jesus speaking, "The Spirit of the Lord is upon Me, because He has anointed Me to preach the Gospel to the poor. He has sent Me to proclaim release to the captives, and recovery of sight to the blind, to set free those who are downtrodden, to proclaim the favourable year of the Lord." Luke 4: 18-19.
Now this sounded very good and my wife was certainly very enthusiastic about it...I was encouraged but in hindsight I have to admit I mis-read it.
Now you may not see the distinction in what I am about to say but hopefully I can explain it. You see as I read these words my interpretation went like this...'The Spirit of the Lord is upon me...He has sent Me to proclaim release for the captives, and recovery of sight for the blind, freedom for  the downtrodden...and if you can get through all that successfully then you can arrive at the favourable year of the Lord, but that won't be until you reach heaven.'
Okay, the interpretation of that for me was...He proclaimed recovery, sight, freedom for me, I missed that His ministry was to me and everything in me (that is my baggage) strenuously suggested to me that I had to work hard to achieve it! Oh and by the way it is highly unlikely that you will ever get to a place where you experience the 'favour' so...are you really sure you want to bother? You know God leads us on...He told Adam if he ate the tree he would die and he didn't so are you sure you want to trust Him now? These were the words that I heard.
Now the voices that spoke from so many areas of my 'life' were loud and persistent but pressing through them all there was a quiet voice of love and resolve which said, and continued to say, 'I will restore the years the locusts have eaten' and 'I have given you this country as your mission field'.
I probably should say this here...the first statement was my exit from my condemned cell, door number one of the prison...God loves me enough to talk to me!
The second statement was door number two...there is a purpose in my up-til-now purposeless life!
I was thankful and I began my pursuit for the 'more'.
Sound okay to you? Yep, sounds okay but hear it again, I was thankful and I wanted more and so I began my pursuit...therein lies my first mistake...'I began my pursuit'.
I worked so hard.
I took my family on a holiday to Noosa and while they enjoyed the garden of God I sat on a rock and 'pursued' God. I returned to my home town alone and tried to find an answer but only really found more questions. I pursued a way for me to find God. I found out there was a Holy Spirit and I pursued Him. Jesus said He had brought recovery, sight and freedom to me and so I tried hard to apply myself to their appropriation.
Does this sound okay to you? I was pursuing God! That's a good thing isn't it? Most Christians would tell you that this is essential, we must be God chasers. There is a verse in the Bible that counsels us to "Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners..." (James 4: 8) and I put all my effort into 'drawing near' to God when He had already drawn near to me. My 'drawing near' was standing in the way of my 'drawing near'. Make sense to you? The fact is I pursued the hand cleansing effort and missed that Jesus had already done it and had said the the job was 'finished'!
So in all my striving God was close and occasionally He would get through 'me' and He would make some progress. Despite me Jesus took me through a few doors on my journey to the prison gate and FREEDOM.
You know there is a verse in the Bible that says this "It was for freedom that Christ set us free; therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to the yoke of slavery." Galatians 5: 1
Freedom sounded good to me but I didn't 'see' the rest of the verse, well I did, I saw 'stand firm' and so I tried to 'stand firm' when in truth what God wanted me to see was this... 'Christ set us free'.

Next time...Door no 3...

The Path of Purpose Part 4 - The Prison

The best analogy is this...imagine a prison. High walls, impenetrable walls with a large gate studded with heavy bolts and a sturdy lock. Imagine you have been convicted of a crime that means you are to be incarcerated in the prison for life, not just life but eternal life. You enter through the gate, then you are taken through a series of doors until ultimately you come to the door of your cell. The door swings open and you are placed inside. The door swings shut and the key is turned in the lock and there you are. This is the position of all who are born under the disobedience of Adam. On account of him we all are under the sentence of eternal incarceration in the prison of death.
In this place you are subject to the atmosphere of the place. Imagine it is cold in the prison then you are cold. If it is hot then you are hot. You cannot escape.
Wonder of wonders though one comes and enters in into the very place where you are and opens your cell door and says to you, "Come". You see this one has paid the price in full for your crime and has wiped your slate clean for the only reason that He loves you and has the ability to pay the price. You have the choice, you either come or you stay, the choice is yours.
Jesus stood at my door and called and I came out of my cell and into the company of the Redeemer. But we are still in the prison. I am still subject to the atmosphere of the prison although I have been redeemed from the penalty. There are still doors to walk through before absolute freedom comes at the imposing studded door in the wall of the prison.
What are these doors? One could be hurt, it was for me. One could be abuse, it was for me. It could be wrong programming, it was for me. Unforgiveness..., bitterness..., anger..., frustration..., jealousy..., disloyalty, the list could go on and on.
In the Bible is a verse and in it we see two Kingdoms, two Kings and two missions. The verse is found in the book of John 10: 10 and is spoken by Jesus Himself. Jesus says, "The thief comes only to steal, kill and destroy; I came that they might have life, and have it abundantly."
The king of darkness is satan, the devil, the one who had a place of honour in the kingdom of God as an angel who served at the very throne of God but sought to usurp God and was cast down and fell to earth. We see this being in the Garden of Eden tempting Adam, and Eve, to disobey God. The mission then of the kingdom of darkness is to "steal, kill and destroy" and we see the results everywhere in the world do we not?
The Kingdom of Light is the Kingdom of God and Jesus Himself is the King. His mission is to bring Life and that abundantly. What is this life that we have the opportunity to have an abundance of? We can have an abundance of LIFE and Jesus is the Life because He is the Way, the Truth and the Life. We can have an abundance of Him and all the fullness of God dwells in Him.
All the doors of the prison that hold us in the cold, dark prison are the works of the mission of the king of darkness. But Jesus has come and we have the choice to receive Him and if we do and are willing He will lavish the blessing of His mercy and His grace upon us up to the measure of the fullness of God. Why will He do this? Because we deserve it? No! Because we work hard for it? No! Because He is Love and He loves us with a never-ending, unconditional love and that love cannot stop but bless us with every spiritual blessing in Christ Jesus? Yes! That is it!
Jesus will walk with us through the doors and all we need do is look to Him. He will lavish upon us His love and none of the works of darkness can stand before the glory of His Light and so the doors before will melt away as we walk together towards freedom in Christ.
So April 2000 I took the hand of God and we began a journey towards the prison gate. The journey was at times hard and difficult and there were many obstacles be together, Jesus and I, we pressed on.
Next time...The Journey.

The Path of Purpose - Part 3 - The Prodigal Son

This is an aside to the story but it is immensely important for what is to follow...
In my last post I talked about the impact of realising that there was a God and He was interested enough in me to talk to me...can I state that again? God was talking to me. Do you not realise the immensity of that?
If you knew me at all especially in my 'away' years then you would be as astounded as me!
Now I have no interest in hashing over those years because there is no profit there but can I say this. If you have a son out there somewhere and you do not know what has happened, you are troubled and perplexed by his behaviour, maybe you are ashamed of him or perhaps you just see better for him than he is then take heart. All is not lost. Hope remains.You see I know my mother prayed. How do I know? Well I know because that's what mothers do and I just know that my Mum was praying. So Mums...keep praying! And...then there is the Father.
So I was astounded that God spoke to me. You should know at this point I should tell you that the statement God made to me that day in April 2000 was not the only thing He said. He said more but maybe I will share that another time.
The importance to me of this event in my life can be illustrated as follows.
In the Bible there is a story told by Jesus Himself. It is commonly called the story of the Prodigal Son. It is found in the book of Luke chapter 15. If you are able I would encourage you to read it for yourself.
It is about a younger son who decides he doesn't want his life as he knows it, in fact he would prefer it if his father would die because he wants his share of his father's estate. Usually you only get that when your father passes but this son wanted it now.
The father was so gracious towards his son and he divides his living with his son. Now if I read between the lines I feel that the father divided more than his property and wealth, he divided, in fact, himself because I am sure his heart was broken by the actions of his son. The son, despite this, takes his share of his father and goes into a far off country.
He then proceeds to blow the lot with parties, women, drink, drugs...the story narrative says 'riotous living'. That was me.
This young man was on a road that so very gradually led down. That was me.
Eventually he found the need to seek employment because the money had run out and all he found was work feeding pigs. Down in the pig sty his plight became so dire that even the food that the pigs ate became attractive as the young man struggled to fill the hole in his being.
Now there is something in this story that astounds me. You see as you read the story it becomes obvious that the father was so good and so loving towards his son because the father was waiting for his son to come home. Read on.
The young man hit the bottom. I hit the bottom. I was in debt. I struggled to go one day without a alcoholic drink. I was sacked from my job. I remember so clearly driving home after being released from my job under unjust circumstances. The route home took me past a wooded area were I on pleasant weekends would walk with my family, it was so beautiful and peaceful filled with the majesty of the trees of an English woodland but today those same trees called me to come and use their strength and height for another purpose. If I had had a rope in my car...
Th father was waiting. The young man decided that he would return home and repent of his wrong and seek to be added to the servant staff of his father's household. His thoughts were that the servants in his father's house have enough to eat and here I am hungry with no way to fill the void in my life. I know that feeling.
So the boy gets up and heads home. The father sees him. The father's heart skips a beat and then the father runs. He runs to the son, he throws his arms around him, he kisses him repeatedly, oh the joy of the father as his son comes home! What love! What desire!
The son begins his planned speech of repentance but his father sweeps this aside and calls for the robe of a son, the ring of a son, the shoes of a son and places them on him. The son had come back believing he was no more worthy to be anything but a slave but the father had never seen him as anything but a son. They had a big party to celebrate the son's return and I am sure the father and the son sat together and discussed together the future and the great plans that the father had for his son.
That day in April 2000 I sat in a church (it wasn't necessary it be a church for God speaks everywhere but for me it needed to be a church for all that was to come) and my Father welcomed me back. Not as a servant but as a son. And we sat and discussed the future together. Fathers don't take on the task of restoring the years that the locusts had eaten for a servant but they do it for a son.
My Father waited all those years and then when the day came He saw me a long way off and He ran to me...he came quickly just like he was rushing to catch a bus! There was no hesitation in him as the Children's Pastor embodied my Father and came rushing to me that day to welcome me home.
What was the essential thing for me? I never knew a God who was a Father. Oh don't get me wrong I knew the theory but the theory had not become truth to me. I lived under the law but the law had been fulfilled and God the Father now viewed me through the lense that is the New Covenant. The old was gone and a new day had come, the Day of Grace, the Year of the Favour of God.
Now I would be remiss if I didn't share this with you the reader. The story goes on to tell of the anger of the older son at his father's treatment and favour towards the younger. There is a lot that could be said about the reaction of the older brother but suffice to say this...culturally it would be the role of the older brother to go, bring back and restore the younger but in this case this did not happen. For me I needed an older brother to come and bring me back.
Jesus is my older brother who came to where I was and brought me back to the Father.
I found that I had a Father in God who loved me. I found a brother in Jesus who travelled a long way to restore me through His cross work. I found that I was part of the family of God, a son, because my Father did not receive me as a servant but as a son, put new clothes on me, a new ring of authority on me and new shoes...a new purpose, a new walk, a new direction...no longer the long, downward road but a new road of satisfaction, of purpose and of glory. I will explain that later.
So back to the story...

The Path of Purpose Part 2 - God's Plan Revealed

To continue...
As I already said there was no one sitting anywhere near me, in fact the closest person was at least twenty metres from where I sat.
Who spoke to me?
Well you maybe would accuse me of being drunk or perhaps mad but the fact is I was totally sober and in my right mind and I heard a voice.
Who can speak and not be seen?
Additional to that I later found out that the words spoken to me were out of the Bible and I now know that the Bible are the words of God given to man. The words were spoken with authority so who is most likely to speak with words from the Bible with an authority that sounded like the author?
It had to be God Himself.
So what is the point of this?
There are two things that impacted me.
The first is that God spoke to me. Me!
Now I had never experienced a God who was happy to speak to me. This was an immense thing to me because it gave me a major indication that God wanted to have a relationship with me.
Now I'm pretty slow but I do know that communication is a vital and necessary aspect of relationship. I was stoked that the God who I thought spent most of His time in condemnation of me (for my actions I have to say) was willing to speak to me. Is it possible He wasn't who I thought He was. Had I got Him wrong. Did He actually have an interest in me? This was my first encounter with a God who wanted me in His family. I knew the theory, Jesus is the way to God so I didn't need convincing of that. I knew all the fact that this was the only way to avoid a lost eternal future but that wasn't the point, this was my moment of salvation because this was when I found a God that cared about me and wanted to connect with me.
The word He used suggested that He did care. 'I will restore' suggested that He wanted to fix it. 'I will restore the years the locusts have eaten' suggested He was prepared to put it all behind Him. It suggested that He had something else in store. Was there a plan? A plan suggested that He was interested. Did the plan suggest something better? Was there a purpose for me? This was God, if God says He would restore surely it would be something good!
Hindsight gives me the opportunity to say this here but the wheels were in motion, not my wheels but God's wheels for me. We were on our way. After so many years of trouble and strife, disappointment and frustration there was the glimpse of something better. A life with purpose perhaps?
The following six weeks were momentous. When God starts creating things happen. Within six weeks my wife, never been to church in her life, except for special or unfortunate occasions, was also a Christian. That's a story in itself.
This post is entitled Cambodia WTL Incorporated. Remember it started with me alluding to what I have been doing over the last months?
The next event was in April 2001. I went to Cambodia. The church I was connected to decided they needed to do some 'mission' and a connection had been made with the church in Cambodia. Out of that came a mission trip to Cambodia which I could join.
I had no money but what I had I used to join the trip. I didn't know why. My wife was pretty mad and had her own 'conversation' with God about it. I didn't do much on the trip except carry the bag of the Pastor but there was an incident that I need to share.
God spoke again.
We were going to visit a church in Kampong Spue (good name!) and the road was of sufficient decay to require a 4WD utility vehicle. I sat in the back. It was baking hot and our Pastor had required that we wear long trousers and long shirt sleeves. It was very dusty. I forgot my hat although I did borrow a cap.
We were travelling along and this voice comes again. Now there were people nearby but I recognised the voice this time. The voice said "I am giving you this country as your mission field".
Pardon?
Are you sure?
I returned to Australia as one confused puppy.
My mind was filled with questions...How? When? Why? How? How? How?
Four weeks later a man came to speak at our church. He was a missionary. He got up and said words to this effect..."My message is it doesn't matter How, Why or When, your only responsibility is to be available...If anyone is available then come to the front."
I went. In fact Usain Bolt wouldn't have beaten me there!
In that one moment I was released of the burden of questions and made myself available to God's life of purpose.
So what happened next ?

The Path of Purpose Part 1 - Salvation Comes

Okay...
The last time I wrote I alluded to something that I was doing that could easily be 'watermarked' with the word 'Purpose'.
This blog after all is entitled 'A Life of Purpose'.
For me to properly describe what I have been doing I need to give you some background.
The year 2000 was a momentous year in my life. It was in that year that I heard the voice of God. I hear you mock...and mock you may but you are not me and you don't have my ears!
I know what I heard!
You know the most powerful thing we have to share with one another is our own stories. Our own stories tell everything about us because it is in those stories we can unearth our world views, our programming, the things we believe.
Now my birth was uneventful (at least I don't remember much about about it...perhaps it was pretty eventful for my dear old Mum!) but one thing that was eventful was that I was born into a family that attended a church, well you would call it a church, we called it the meeting.
This place was the meeting venue for people who had the desire to share their faith with anybody who came through the door.
I came through the door, not by choice but by virtue of my birth.
Now from my earliest recollection I was told that I needed to believe in Jesus Christ and if I didn't I risked the certain end of the hellfire of separation from God forever. I was very convinced that I didn't want to be separated from God because hell didn't sound very appealing to me.
Look quite frankly I was afraid and when I was about eight years of age I made a decision that I didn't want to risk it and so I chose to believe in Jesus.
Now over the next maybe ten or so years I made that same decision again at least once, and maybe more times. I tell you that to convey the idea that maybe there was something lacking in my decision. Well actually maybe that's not quite correct, maybe there wasn't anything lacking in the decision, the decision was sound, but my execution of the decision or more precisely my understanding of the truth of it seriously lacked.
Now I want to make the point that I was never told that God speaks to us in the 20th century as it was then. You see 'speaking' necessarily suggests relationship and I knew nothing about relationship with God.
I tried hard to live up to the life that the church, sorry meeting, said I should but I failed miserably. I was on a rollercoaster and the ride was very rough.
No relationship, nowhere to go with my real questions, no real connection, struggle, struggle, struggle...this was the truth of my life.
Oh if you had looked at me in the context of my life in the 'meeting' at that time you would have thought, Wow! that guy has got it together even if you thought I was a little wierd.
If you had seen me in the context of my life away from the 'meeting' you would have been confused, especially if you had the capacity to see me in both my 'lives' at the same time.
This conflict of lives was my big problem because deep in my heart I knew that what I was amounted to no more than hypocrisy.
For me this hypocrisy showed itself in me as immense frustration and dissatisfaction, and I had no one with whom to talk about it.
Now what to do? I took the brave man's approach and ran away.
I went overseas and stepped off my life as I knew it and stepped into another.
My life was a sham, I believed (or so I said) in a God with whom I had no relationship and who I thought would certainly not consider me as I had no worthiness before a God who gave me a list of rules that I had no possibility of achieving.
In hindsight I have to tell you that despite all I have just shared I actually stepped on a road that ever so slowly was heading downhill. You see despite my frustrations hidden in all my struggle truth waited to be found.
Now the gap between that and the year 2000 was about fifteen years.
2000. I was married for the second time. I was effectively an alcoholic. I had achieved nothing and I was nothing. I did have two children, one I had inherited and one I had fathered and even my fatherhood was seriously deficient.
One day I had a 'feeling'. My children needed for someone to tell them about Jesus. I wasn't going to tell them because I didn't know who Jesus was so I had to get someone else to do it. A friend gave me the name of the Children's Pastor of a church. I rang him and told him what I wanted to do and he was helpful. He then asked a stupid question, he said "...and will you be going to Church also?" Me? Are you joking? No way on the planet was my blunt reply.
He took that response well and we agreed that I would bring my children to him the following Sunday.
I didn't.
Five weeks later I arrived at the forecourt of the church which met in a school auditorium.
Now if I spoke to you on the phone yesterday, especially if the call was rather 'random', it is very unlikely that I would remember you.
So five weeks after this 'random' phone call I arrived with my children at the church and through the people waiting outside the church came a man striding as if he had a bus to catch.
He walked straight to me, thrust out his hand and said my name.
I was stunned.
Now you may not consider especially dramatic but I was stunned and this is my story.
While we got my two children into their various Kid's Church classes I was travelling in a state of bemused shock.
What to do?
Ummm...I better go in and see what this is all about...something wierd here, how did he remember?
I sat in the back. The pastor preached. No big deal.
Next Sunday found me sitting in the same seat.
I'm sitting there. No one sat anywhere near me but a voice spoke to me.
The voice said this...
"I will restore the years the locusts have eaten."
Now you think about that for a while and I'll get back to you...

Oh well...I've been busy!

Hello...does anybody actually read this?..or am I indulging in my own therapy...getting it off my chest?
It's been months since I started this and I have avoided you little blog...okay, okay...I've been busy!

I was talking about a life of purpose...I think most people want one. Yes I know some people say 'I don't care' but in some ways I suspect those that say that are the ones who are most disillusioned with their place. Some say 'whatever' and the same probably applies to them. I may be wrong and I don't make any claims to be an expert but it is my general belief that most people want a life that has 'purpose'.
I do.
I want a purpose.
I already told you I am a Christian. Simply this means that I believe in Jesus Christ. You may consider this foolishness but I am not really that concerned about that...it is my choice and my choice is to believe.
Many would, at this point, say something like..."Oh, so you're religious". I want to make this point to you most strenuously I am NOT religious. Many people who know me in fact would consider me somewhat irreligious.
This is a hard thing to explain to you but maybe I will say this. It is my opinion that the religion we see displayed often in this world bears no resemblance to what Jesus intended. If you examine His life you will see a man who cared about people, He helped them, He healed them, He welcomed them, He didn't care what 'brand' they were, His sole and total focus was to show them acceptance and love...yep love. Love is an interesting word...so misconstrued and so misused...the love Jesus showed was so different...what was different about it? It was full to the brim with grace. What is this thing called grace? Grace I think can only be defined as unconditional and unmerited favour. Often the people Jesus came up against weren't particularly attractive from the point of view of those around but He accepted them anyway. Don't get me wrong He didn't like things that people did sometimes mainly because He had the capacity to see the damage they were doing to themselves and others but He was able to separate that from the person and accept the person. I think He was able to see the potential in them and so He accepted them on their potential.
I said that I wanted to be 'real'. This is real.
I wasn't always like this or believe this but more and more it is my belief that I have to be a person of grace.
I think I'll leave that there.
The last few months have been incredible for me. I have been establishing something that I believe has 'purpose' written over it. Ten years ago something happened to me that astounded me and since that time I have been on an incredible journey that grows step by step into PURPOSE.
Can I encourage everyone out there that purpose can be found. I have found it and I am now on the cusp of something that can only be described as great. Now the greatness is not necessarily for me personally. I have gone past the need for the greatness to be given to me...the greatness I see in the journey I am on is for others and I gladly hand it over. I will be satisfied in seeing the greatness fall on others...more another day.
Intrigued? I hope so.