The 'D' Word...

Disappointment!

We bury stuff in ourselves. We bury it so deep no-one and nothing can get to it; not even God.

We often make a big deal out of the fact that we have choice. God has given us choice, that's essentially what separates us from the animals, I guess, it is true to say. We have a choice. The ultimate choice we have is what we do with God Himself. Because God is God and because our common father made a choice to reject God the result is we are unable to approach and so God, because He loves us, made a way of approach. Jesus. He is our way of approach to God. He is also our ultimate choice. The greatest decision of choice you will ever make will be what you decide to do about Jesus. You cannot be passive in your decision on Jesus. To ignore is to reject. I'm sorry to tell you but you all will make a decision, a choice.

I believe in Jesus. It is my choice. I do not force it on you. That's your choice.

Disappointment. With regard to disappointment our gift of choice means we can bury it deep. I have buried my disappointment deep. My disappointment is closely aligned with my worth. My worth lies deep in my receiving of the truth of God's love...for me. I preach about it, I describe it as the mountain top of Grace and I encourage you, the reader, to receive it. I preach to myself. Isn't that often the way? The very thing God puts on us is the very thing we need to hear. I guess that is the nature of the personal father love He has for us.

But sometimes it is brought to the surface.

I used to drink. A lot. I am an alcoholic. Not one of those sleeping in a bus shelter alcoholics but a far more sinister type. One that sits in the comfort of a respectable life and veils their disappointment with excessive quantities of alcohol. I used alcohol to veil my disappointment.

What am I disappointed in? Myself.

As I said sometimes these things come from the deep place we hide them and rise to the surface and bang! They slap you in the face.
Why am I telling you this? Because I need to talk to someone today about Jesus. Only an hour ago I said that to my wife. I need to tell someone and if you're reading this then you are the one.
A few years ago I attended a family do. There were cousins there who I hadn't seen forever and, as is normal, we were discussing our lives and all that had happened since forever. I was asked about me and, frankly, I didn't have much to say. You see there are two parts to my life and they struggle to cross over in any way. There is my life of earthly accomplishment and there is my life of what God has done. I said a little of the latter when in fact there is a lot to say but I didn't feel that I could give lots of detail as the audience maybe could not understand, and I said a little of the former, mainly because there isn't anything to say. Anyway I was struggling a little to say a lot when, from across the table, a member of my immediate family pipes up and says, "What Graeme is trying to say is that he has amounted to absolutely nothing."

BANG!

I can sense you are shocked but put that aside. That's what I need to do anyway!

Disappointment. I am hoping this might be helping someone and I am hoping, and trusting, that God is going to do a miraculous thing in me. Breakthrough.

I could go into a great analysis into what has contributed to my disappointment. No point! I could tell you about how I, in the natural, have achieved nothing. It is true. I have achieved nothing. My family member was correct. But I do have a choice about whether I allow that big 'D' to be a millstone that hangs around my neck. It affects my whole life. I could recount how but again, no point!

I could go on and then try and paint a new picture of the other part of my life and show you what God has done but, while that is wonderful, here, right now, there is no point in that either.
The fact is the two sides of my life have to come together. They have to align. Having brought the disappointment to the surface I have to allow God to deal with it.
My great, vast and deep disappointment has to be swallowed up into the truth of God's grace. His favour has to swallow it up. His favour says I am His favoured child. His favour says that He has a plan for me. His favour says that He will be gloried in me. His favour says that the yoke will be broken because of fatness.

These are truths that have been spoken over me. Why do I not see the fruit of these words? What stops me receiving? The 'D' word. My life breeds disappointment and it brings death to my worth. I don't believe I'm worth it.

I've said it.

It's now time to speak truth. This isn't a post to tell you that breakthrough has come. I wish it was but it isn't. At least it doesn't feel like that sitting here right now although maybe, just maybe, this is a step. I was reading a devotion, only a day ago, and one little phrase stuck out. Truth.

'God...called me through His grace...' [Galatians 1: 15]

My calling, that is my purpose, my life has nothing to do with my qualifications, my abilities, my achievements, or my lack of these things.
My calling is 'through His grace.'
What does His grace say?
I am highly favoured.
The Lord is with you, you are a successful man.
The temporal is not your reality, the spiritual is your reality. That is, what they say in the earthly doesn't count; the only thing that counts is what I say, God says.

My life is not shrouded in the veil of disappointment, my life is illuminated by His grace.

His grace says I am worthy. His grace says I am loved.
Disappointment says you deserve nothing...HIS LOVE SAYS I DESERVE EVERYTHING!
And He died to give it to me.

Choice. I can choose to bury my disappointment or I can choose to shine the light of His grace on it. His light is shining. Jesus is the Light of the world.
His light says I am worthy of His blessing. I have NOT amounted to absolutely nothing...I have amounted to HIS GRACE. My worth in His grace is valuable, precious, worthy, righteous, loved, blessed.

You too.