Is God real...really?

This blog is my ramblings...my thoughts. I like to write, I admit I am no good at it  but I like to do it.

The thing that sets the human being apart from every other created being is the gift of 'choice'. We have a choice. We have a choice to believe in God, we have a choice to accept that 'God so loved the world...', we have choice whether or not we accept that '...He gave His only Son...', we have a choice whether or not we '...believe in Him...', we have a choice whether we accept that we '...will not perish, but have everlasting Life.' We have a choice over whether we believe, and what we believe. This is true. Your choice extends to this blog...if you don't like it then it's okay to turn it off.

I have just been to Cambodia. I stand in my call, not in any strength I have, but in Christ I stand and in great weakness I deliver Jesus to the people. They have a choice. Many receive Him and we rejoice in that. In October we go again, and then again in December.

But today is today and today I say, 'Is God real...really?'

John 10: 10 is an interesting verse. In those few words we have two kingdoms standing side by side. One of God and the other, the enemy of God. There was a book around that I think was entitled, 'Listen to me, Satan', or words to that effect. Frankly I have no interest in the enemy of God and deem him not worthy of my consideration. His ministry is clear...'steal, kill and destroy' and I will not give that ministry any power by my words or actions. Focus on him only results in my eyes being turned away from the 'Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End'. I'm sure the book is a great read but put it down now and pick up Jesus, He is our Word.
Yes, I do ramble.
Where was I?

I was driving home just now and into my mind comes the thought, 'Is God real...really?'
If no then why am I bothering?
If yes then how should I respond?
I return from Cambodia. The blessing was great, the promises are immense, the words are powerful and encouraging, the sense of the presence of God is tangible and real, and then the response comes. The analogy of war is one we often use and I guess this is perpetuated by references like Ephesians 6 which talks of armour and battles not against flesh and blood... The response comes...it is like I step off the edge of a cliff. I know my brothers in Cambodia experience the same. Everything is easy game it appears, my family, my children, my marriage, my work, my finances, my hope, my peace, my trust...no doubt many more things could be listed.
The most vulnerable receive the fiery darts...on and on it goes. We receive Jesus, for crying out loud we are Jesus...His prayer was that just as He and the Father are one, so are we one in Him. But still the response comes. The promises of God so vivid seem to pale...I cannot believe that He pales so why do they pale, why is so much challenged? Why? God are you real? Really?
My daughter, innocent and holding on, is the centre of the vitriol of two girls at school, girls we have welcomed with open arms into our home, one who has slept in our house and eaten at our table many, many times and been made one of our family, now criticizes and bullies my daughter. How can this be? Why is this so?
My marriage. My work. My trust, my hope, my peace, everything is challenged...why?
I don't know the answers to any of these questions. The cliche ridden Christian community gives all the usual responses, 'when you put your head above the trench you will get shot at'...'trials come to make you stronger', this is a good one, 'take heart, if you come under such interest then you must be doing something right'. Forgive me, I know they are well meant, and there is undoubtedly truth in them but still, why?
So I am contemplating this as I drive home. It is then the question comes, 'Is God real...really real?' Do you think that question is from God or from the enemy? The most likely response is that this comes from the enemy, but I'm not so sure. I think that only God is capable of asking that question without His glory, position and I AM-ness being challenged. I think that question actually comes from God. Do I really believe He is real?
The command of God that is relevant to me as a New Covenant Kingdom citizen is to 'BELIEVE'. All other commands are as obsolete as the Old Covenant of Law, totally superseded by Grace. If you don't believe me read the book of Hebrews, and then Romans, and then Galatians...I could go on.
The point is do I really 'believe'?
I could give you scripture after scripture after scripture of the promise of God...the Bible is absolutely full of them if we take off our law glasses and put on grace glasses...from beginning to end the promises flow, and flow, and flow. But do I receive?
You know I think we pick and choose. We read a promise and then we rationalise that promise and ultimately we pick the bits we deem to be acceptable and we discount, reduce, seive out the rest and discard it. It's a bit like our juicer...you shove in an apple, it goes 'brrrrr' and out comes apple juice, and the body, the pulp gets chucked out.
So, as I said this is my blog. These are my thoughts. Let's take one promise, one out of thousands upon thousands...when God says to me, 'The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want', what do I do? I affirm that He is indeed my Shepherd. I marvel that the Shepherd is, in fact, the Lord, Yahweh, God...GOD but then I rationalise the promise, 'I shall not want', and am left in a quandary.
This is my blog, my thoughts...the Lord is calling me to greater things and this is impossible, this will be hamstrung until I can 'receive' the truth, the absolute glory and majesty of the promise that 'I SHALL NOT WANT'. That is where God is calling me. That is the question He is asking me when He says to me, 'is God real, really?' My daughter left me a note in my suitcase when I went to Cambodia, it said, 'Nothing is impossible to God'...awesome words and true but have I, can I, will I receive them?
I have stepped through the door of the call of God but I look back.
Oh, Lord 'I believe, help my unbelief'.